ALICE CULLEN
by Daddy's Little Bloodsucker
Summary: If you are reading this, that means you've just purchased your very own ALICE CULLEN. Go through the guide for more information on the item purchased. Funny.one-shot
1. Chapter 1

**Whoo! New update! this time it's Alice! Anyways, Ive just finished my examinations and failed my math terribly but had good marks for my science. Thank goodness for that! i'm glad that i had gotten good marks for my english. I've decided to celebrate by posting this up! Hope you guys like it!

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ALICE CULLEN

If you are reading this, it means you just purchase your very own ALICE CULLEN. I'm sure you have saved so much money to buy him so thank you. Let's just hope you'll survive.

**Things you should know**

1. Your ALICE CULLEN likes shopping so when you open the package, don't be surprised to see her naked. Buy her clothes immediately so she won't start annoying

2. Your ALICE CULLEN can predict the future. So if she tells you that you are going to die in a few hours, she really means it.

3. Your ALICE CULLEN may know your name even before you open the package, this is normal.

4. Your ALICE CULLEN needs credit cards. I hope you have them.. IF not, face the wrath of ALICE CULLEN, Shopaholic Extraordinaire.

5. ALICE CULLENs may be short but DO NOT mess with them.. They are evil little pixies that will torture you with their make-up and dress up methods. BEWARE!

6. Do not be fooled by the cute façade, she is evil I tell you! EEVIL!!

7. One word: Shopping is torturing when it is with ALICE CULLEN… Ouh wait, that's 9 words..

8. Your ALICE CULLEN is a major PRO in torturing.. I think she could even teach us a couple of lessons on torturing.. OR she could publish a book out of it! "Torturing Techniques, by yours truly: ALICE CULLEN, SHOPAHOLIC EXTRAORDINAIRE!"

9. Nope.. Your ALICE is not going to bring you to the world called WONDERLAND.

10. Your ALICE CULLEN will not let you shop at WAL-MART.

11. Your ALICE CULLEN is also a PRO at party planning. So don't waste your time hiring a party planner when you have a free one in your own house! How great is that?!?

12. Your ALICE CULLEN is a big fan of brightly colored 911 TURBO PORSCHEs, specifically the yellow one..

13. She may remove all your items from your room to claim the room as hers.. This is perfectly normal. She would probably claim that your room has a nice view too.

14. ALICE CULLENs are very energetic. If you can't handle it, buy a JASPER HALE to calm her down.

15. If you live in a place where there are many designer shops… I pity you man… I pity you a lot.

**Types of ALICE CULLEN**

There are many types ALICE CULLEN of programming you can install to your ALICE CULLEN.

Shopaholic mode. (This mode is already installed in your ALICE CULLEN for free)

Adorable pouting lips mode (this mode can get the soft part of you out.)

Evil pixie mode. (This mode can be found together with the ALICE CULLEN. It is free of charge. You can choose to not install this mode into your ALICE CULLEN)

Quiet mode (this mode maybe very quiet. For those who are not used to seeing a super duper quiet ALICE CULLEN, do not buy this.)

Future seeing ALICE mode. (This mode lets ALICE CULLEN see the future every minute.)

Playful mode (This means she's playful in EVERY way.)

Annoying mode (I don't know what to say about this.. Ouh wait I've got one! You. Are. An. Idiot.)

**F.A.Q**

1. My ALICE CULLEN is eating human food! What's happening to her?

She may be in human mode. If not, knock her on the head and scream 'blood' she will be back to normal in no time.

2. My ALICE CULLEN likes to play dress up a lot. Why is this so?

One question: Did you read Twilight at all?

3. I want my ALICE CULLEN to be in a relationship with my BELLA CULLEN.

Um.. I don't know whether that is possible.

4. What's 4+4?

8… Hey why are you asking me this?!?

5. My ALICE CULLEN cries whenever she goes in a shopping mall.

Bring her to the TCMP building. We might be able to exchange your ALICE CULLEN to a new one.

6. Can I make a fortune telling business with my ALICE CULLEN?

Hmm… That's not a bad idea..

7. My ALICE CULLEN is going insane! She keeps on burning the clothes I bought her!

It's all about the fashion sense… Always remember that when you are going to buy her some things.

8. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!

I have no comment for that one.. (Are you sure you are not munching on your ALICE CULLEN?)

9. My ALICE CULLEN ran away with my neighbors' JASPER HALE why is that so?

She and JASPER probably went to visit CARLISLE. Beware, she may NEVER come back.

10. Can I abandon my ALICE CULLEN?

No. Please send it to CARLISLE CULLEN ADOPTION CENTRE.

**Different types of items in TWILIGHT CULLEN MAKERS PRODUCTION**

Emmett Cullen

Edward Cullen

Carlisle Cullen

Esme Cullen

Renesmee C. Cullen

Isabella Swan

Bella Cullen (vampire)

James

Victoria

Rosalie Hale

Jasper Hale

**If there is any problem with your item you purchased, please go to**

**Twilight Avenue**

**Building 2 TCMP, Reception Counter**

**#04-789, 4****th**** storey 521457**

**Call us at: 0894-2856-6257 (0twi-culn-makr)**

**Email us at: ****tw1_cu1l3n_**

**The copyright of this ALICE CULLEN instruction sheet belongs to DADDY'S LITTLE BLOODSUCKER. All characters mentioned above are just used for fun. Stephanie Meyer owns it. We mean no harm to the characters or your readers. Kapeesh? If this offended you, I'm sorry. We don't really mean this.**

**It's short and had 2 random FAQ question coz my mind was blank. I was thinking hard but could not get the funny lines out. I need to see more comedy shows.. Ugh! I hope that some of you guys would help me out with my other TWILIGHT CULLEN MAKERS PRODUCTION products. (lol) but seriously, i need some people to help me out.. PM me if you need ro want anything!**

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	2. BETA

I'm beta-ing for Twilight and some animes! More info in my Beta Reader Profile in my Profile! :DD


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